Not an atypical morning in my house…

Not an atypical morning in my house…

In case anyone else can relate, I thought I would share what is definitely NOT an atypical morning in my house…


Get woken up (by my toddler… before my alarm goes off).

Tell toddler to go back to bed, it is not time to get up yet.

[3 minutes and 7 second pass]

Toddler asks if it is time to get up NOW.

Convince said toddler that he should go play with his books that read to him.

Toddler goes to find said books.

Feel brilliant and snuggle down in cozy bed.

[19 seconds pass]

Toddler comes back because he cannot find the electronic device that does the reading.

Roll eyes.  Feel bad for rolling eyes at my child but then remember that toddler cannot see this as my eyes are still closed.

Remind him it was on the couch last night.

Toddler goes to look on the couch.

[12 seconds pass]

Toddler comes back and says he cannot find it.

Tell him to look on the end by the bookshelf.

Toddler goes to look again.

[Literally 7 seconds pass]

Toddler comes back and says he does not see it.

Mutter incoherent things to which toddler says “what did you say, Mommy?”.

Say “I’m coming”.

Feel around on nightstand for glasses and put them on.

Squinting at toddler (cause it is still dark and I hate mornings), slowly get out of warm, cozy bed and walk to living room.

Immediately locate electronic reading pad on couch, which is totally visible from the door, hidden only 5% by a pillow.

Point out said device to toddler

Toddler says “oh yeah, there it is!”

Go back to warm, cozy bed for just 5 more minutes.

Toddler starts using electronic reading device.

Loud Paw Patrol story echoes through the hallway and into bedroom, as if amplified by a megaphone.

Attempt the old hide-ears-under-the-pillow technique.

Realize that pitch of the reader’s voice on electronic reading device can permeate the pillow.

Electronic reading device is JUST loud enough impede sleep (and possibly damage toddler’s eardrums).

Sigh loudly and give up the dream of more sleep.  Start thinking about having toddler’s hearing checked.

Get up to go to the bathroom.

Toddler comes in the bathroom and says “yay, you are up!”.  

Toddler then commences talking….

About the potty, Paw Patrol, waffles, the garbage truck, racing his friends at school, which of his shoes make him the fastest, his friend Dylan’s trip to Disney, the ant crawling on the floor, which Cars car could outrun said ant, which Cars car did outrun said ant, how the ant got run over, cleaning up the dead ant on the floor, how he didn’t want to wear that shirt cause it only had red and white on it (no characters) and it was too soft, what he wanted for lunch, what his friend Greta had for lunch yesterday, puppies, what day it is, Blaze, the “sports car” driving in front of us (cause it had a spoiler), the right way to get to school (are you sure this is it?)…

And continues for an HOUR until we are walking into his preschool classroom.

His teacher says good morning to us.

And… Silence.

[Seriously, kid?]

Guess he used up his morning ration of words already.  

Now where’s my coffee?

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